Everlasting Mortal: My Immortal Commentary
by officialbluepandas
Summary: This is my commentary based on the horrible fanfic "My Immortal." Rated M for language and the story's horrificness.


**My Immortal Commentary**

I've seen lots of commentaries around here, so I decided to take my own spin on it.

**Chapter 1.**

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)** No, I don't** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 **Oh dear God, help me perform an excorcism on Mrs. 666 **4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. ** She was clearly drunk when she helped you. **U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! **I didn't know that was what depressed means.**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia **No wonder you're so crazy**Raven Way **first sign of a Sue: Three last names **and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!)**Oh God, describing clothes like **_**Your Life with Ron Weasley**_. I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie **Because everyone loves and accepts incest**. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. **And you sparkle, don't you? **I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **SCOTLAND YOU IDIOT! **where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **Hell no, I thought you were "goffik" **and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. **What kind of slutty dresser are you? **I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **Snowing and raining at the same time? The Rapture's finally here**so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **You're so classy**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **Why so dramatic?**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **Draco's shy? Oh God...**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **Riveting.**

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! **Um, that doesn't help the horrible storyline. **BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **What the hell?**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666 **Are you a Satanist or something?**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. **Vampires sleep? **It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **Y do we want to see yo mesed up cloting? (Mary-Sue speak)**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **You guys must be depressed**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **Yeah, and?**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. **Yes she does Raven or Willow or Satana or whatever/**

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **What's with the wild reaction?**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **What?**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **What is a Muggle band doing in Hogsmeade?**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" **Yes, I'm ordering an excorcism right now. ** I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **MCR's your favorite band?**

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ **I think you mean intelligent people **OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **So there are no "goffik" people? Gotcha. **FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **What the hell is wrong with you? And the ghetto clothing? **I read a depressing book **You mean this one? **while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway **Didn't stop you earlier**. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too) **NAW SHIT!**, baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **I know lots of "kewl" boys that don't wear eyeliner.**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666** I am losing my innocence just reading this**) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs **Hey mom! I have a new role model if you decide to have another child!**. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh **That's... nice **pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
>They're all so happy you've arrived<br>The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
>She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).<p>

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **And everything's okay in Mary-Sue land.**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **You don't know Hillary.**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **Please crash into a tree!**

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **And you caller her Ebony because... **nut mary su **Do you even know what a Mary Sue is? **OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **There is no way anyone could be in love with her.**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. **Then we fell and died and everyone rejoiced and they burned our bodies and this horrible piece of shit was destroyed.**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **Mary-Sue Syndrome- Forgetting all negative emotions when looking at a hot guy.**

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly ** You made our smartly? **against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra **Can't you spell? Its "OFF" not "OF"**. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what No, **I don't know what **and we did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then…. **Best sex scene ever.**

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **Best line ever.**

It was…. **What's with all of the ".'s" **Dumbledore!

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **No. "Fangz" doesn't make you "goffik" either.**


End file.
